How to Lava Lava Lava Life.

 

Aside from a few misspelled words (Recepticle? PUH-lease Starbucks-scribbling-girlfriend, let's try and get that one straight!)I think I have been able to get to the meat of the matter, which is a code I can live by and that I have to live up to. 

And I think I was mostly serious, except the whole "yes your majesty" business.  People already say that pretty regularly.

How are you able to keep on track with being the person you think you should be?

I Lava the Beach Boys

I know that I make it seem like Hanson is my number one favorite band ever.  The tattoo would certainly lead one to that conclusion, but like everyone else on Earth I spent my childhood listening to the music my parents liked.  That music happened to be The Beach Boys.

I didn't actually know there was any other music out there until I was in 7th grade or so.  Hear me out o this.  Certainly I'd heard of NKOTB and all of that good stuff, but I just assumed anything that wasn't on the records my dad had was just a Beach Boys side project spin off that was a miserable departure from their usual sound.  Rap?  Must be some wacky Brian Wilson experiement.  Opera?  Heck, Carl can get his voice kinda high. 

The Beach Boys were my kings.

I also thought Mike Love was a Care Bear, but that's a whole other path of neurotic thinking that we probably don't need to go down.

I had dance routines worked out to Shut Down and Be True to Your School.  In college I wore a button with Brian Wilson's face on it everywhere I went.  I've slugged through disappointing fair performances by the different warring factions of the Beach Boys as they toured around with whatever dregs of spirit they've had left.  (Mike Love gasped mid-set at the Pomona fair concert I went to that if he'd known in the sixties they'd still be touring in 2002 they would have written a lot fewer fast sings.) The love still remains.

Some times all I need to get my head on straight is to pull out my favorite songs and sing them loudly.  I've already blogged about this with the Beach Boys and how they're kind of my glue. 

So I leave you all with these songs, a few of my favorites.

I Lava Fresh Starts

So, it's not actually new.  Just a change in status, that's it.

As of yesterday I'm officially divorced.

That's right, twice before thirty.

It's a bit ridiculous, I'm a little embarrassed by it, but I kinda also love that everyone in my family makes "So, do you think you'll finally be happy with husband number seven?" jokes- I'm the Elizabeth Taylor of our Sunday barbeques at Grandma's, what can I say?

I used to bounce back really quickly- one relationship done and another starting without as much as a hiccup (or a moaning of the wrong name) to indicate that the transition was less than seamless.  I've been trying to bounce back into things but discovering that I'm not the same as I was at 22, 23, 24... I get scared, I flip out, I hold onto grudges and I get hurt easily.  Where did that come from?

I have this terrifying one-that-got-away complex that fights with an equally harrowing need to find out if there is just someone better suited for me.  So I get hot and heavy and then cold and distant.

Oh, and commitment is the only thing I want until it isn't and I suddenly can't breathe under the weight of it.

Basically, I am fucked up.

I'm okay with that.  Because I've been a relationship junkie I've never played the single card.  This year I have and I've totally gotten a full single girl experience, right down to the nitty gritty of feeling like shit for not feeling the same way.

But I've never really been alone.  Even in my single state I've still managed to find company so that I don't have to be alone with myself.  I'm tired of it.  I'm pretty sure that as counter-intuitive as it may feel I need some solid time without dating, making out, flirting or anything else.  My confidence is coming back, how amazing would it be if I could just appreciate that without the insecurity of wondering if someone else appreciates me?

So I'm taking a few months.  You all laugh- don't try to act like you aren't- Mom, I can hear you all the way across town cackling at this notion.  But seriously, it is time.  And really, I totally love spending time with my friends more than anything on earth anyway.  Why distract myself from playing Cornhole on the Swiggs patio ever?

“My primary relationship is with myself - all others are mirrors of it. As I learn to love myself, I automatically receive the love and appreciation that I desire from others. If I am committed to myself and to living my truth, I will attract others with equal commitment.”

Shakti Gawain, Reflections in the Light

I Lava My Twinsie, Chiva Loca

I freakin LAVA my twin sister.  Without going all sappy mushy on her I just have to say that I'm pretty lucky to have met such a fantastic person, I mean she really puts up with a lot of crap from me.  

We have insane adventures on a daily basis, and they usually consist of her being super smart and me having to kill something.  I hope everyone has a good friend like Chiva around. If you don't, find new friends- everyone should laugh as much as we do!

Seriously, this lady even gets on the ground when she thinks something is funny just to be certain that her ROFL is legit.  Need I say more?

I Lava Fake Bands.

In 2006 Aurora and I decided that life is pain and we started an emo band. 

Mind you, neither of us did any actual band-things to make this happen, like you know, write music or perform it or even really talk about it.  But we had a Livejournal for our band and that's all we needed.  

Enjoy.

Band Bio:  The Brandy Situation

we're a girl emo group from fresnoxcalifornia.

we believe the definition of emo has gotten
wildly out of control.

Emo is swoopy, but must also be mopey
Emo is broken hearts on wrists
Emo is tragic, but with an orange county flair
"Mom took my H2, and I can't get to the
straight edge show where I would spend the
whole time adjusting my hair and contemplating
all of the people who will never love me."
Emo is...
water bottles
cats with patches of random color on them
the sun when half a cottonball cloud covers it
my dad when he's jogging
and
buttons!

We're here to reclaim emo. In an asshole sort of way.

Don't make us slit our wrists.

Tour Photo

Lyrics: 


These are for drinking brandy to.

A Song for Doug
(Armijo 2006) a red beard and a backwards baseball cap my soul says you dont know emo but my body says you need to know me can you weather the storm of my emotions? can you show me the ways of the meathead? meat. head. meet. my motherfuckin  head.

*** 

SweetEnlow This morning I woke up and put my blue sweater on I grabbed my ipod and crashed my car The heart on my wrist is cracked in half but when i find the one i'll fill it in. Can you fill my heart Can you fill my heart Can you fill my heart? Tonight tonight tonight Music is crashing I buy a 151 and coke Because it helps me to dance The heart on my wrist is cracked in half but when i find the one i'll fill it in. Can you fill my heart Can you fill my heart Can you fill my heart?           (schoelen/2006)

***
Morning After
(armijo/schoelen 2006)

I stayed up all night
With intricate plans for us
How could you let me die inside?
How could youlet me die?
How could you leave me to fall apart?
I may never know
I couldn't move when the alarm clock rang
The sound was needles in my veins
how could you let me die inside
how could you let me die
how could you leave me to fall apart
Please let me know.
*bridge*
I'm stuck here on my windowsill
Throwing straightedge to the wind
How could this be happening
It's happening again

how could you let me die inside
how could you let me die
how could you leave me to fall apart
I don't want to know

***
Titles are overrated
(armijo 2006)

my soul, it aches.
like a beatle bug turned over,
no way to turn my incandescent shell.
the ache, the burn.
great love of blackest night
all I know is your sleepy caress
so easily twisting from my heart
and moving to the world.

***
A Night at Livingstones
(armijo/schoelen 2006)

Bleak
My friday spilled out like a rainy day in
seattle
He didn't leave me his key
he didn't leave me his key
something red.
red and mysterious, like my soul
Is not meant to be trampled on
He didn't leave me his key
He didn't leave me his key
I fought through the lines
And Collapsed at the entrance
He didn't leave me his key
So what's left for me?

***

Ode to Scott Strapp

We found ourselves
drinking cheap vodka from a plastic bottle
depression or date rape
its all the same with him
scott, I said, strapp me.
strapp my soul, scott.

Schoelen/Armijo 2006


***

Emo Eyes

I knew you were different,
Short of complex
Your brows always arch
In surprised reflex.
There was no depth
So i pumped you with lies
Because I wish that you had
Emo Eyes

Schoelen/Armijo 2006

***

Anne Shirley Eat Yr Heart Out

(Armijo/Schoelen 2006) Don't be afraid to love me Love me like you're gonna lose me Dont be afraid to shoot me you've already murdered my heart If I move too fast Its only because I'm afraid to let this go (oh no) (oh no's lead into xylephone solo, the next two lines are repeated whispering) let my soul be bludgeoned by your cryptic superficial letterings on the bathroom mirror is where they appear Don't let this slip away Don't let it fall apart Don't be afraid to love me Love me like you're gonna lose me (just slow down the tempo and the noise until it peters out...)

I Lava Crafts

Duh.

So I just started a second blog for my craftyventures.

Burlymade.

Check it, yo.

I Lava This.

Whatever this is.

the
insecurity- but in a good way
and
sternocleidomastoid (oh how these things are memorable!)
and
trying to focus: ch 1, sc into first 3 sts (2 sc in next stitch, 4 sc) 12 times
but having to scale down to: ch 1 sc across, turn 
because focus is impossible this close
and
grinning til it hurts
then
sitting down and trying to be concise and maybe even sound poetic but realizing i have no clue how to be concise, and omg how much easier would it have been to just say "i lava this whole liking someone so much that i'd consider learning math to impress him thing" and been done with it instead of channeling my 14 year-old-hiding-in- her-closet-and-pining-and-writing self which will probably just seem a little over the top and well... ridiculous.

But I think that is exactly why I LAVA the heck outta this.

Whatever this is.